Why?

Don’t know that’s the honest answer .. but its true that I’ve been remembering him a lot since yesterday.. wanted to talk to some one freely.. just like that!!
Nothing much happening in life.. may be that’s the problem!!! Things are going on good.. getting to know ‘M’ well and getting along nicely.. and planning for future, family, house etc..

But I’m missing small small things in life.. like talking to a friend.. no specific things to talk but just pointless chatter and feeling good, timelessness of those days spent together at MLR.. etc..

Too many thoughts are going on in mind and not able to get them to words.. that’s another strange for me!!

 

Lost in time…

September…. it’s a month of memories for me for long now.. its the month of college fest, its the month when I passed out of Bachelors degree , also Masters degree, month when I joined my first (and only so far) job and the month when I had to quit that Job and the month when I get to know about the sweet strangeness of the Life
Also.. this being the month of shravan.. is associated with Festive memories of home..

The drizzles and the rains here are making me miss MLR a LOT!! I just want to get back there.. get back into that corner cubicle in the basement of that majestic building where beautiful memories were made.. you know.. I just cannot recall how/when/where we met for the first time but the days in that cubicle are etched in my mind.. I long for those carefree days…those coffee breaks.. that small black coffee mug , leg pulling of teammates that used to happen in the pantry and the pointless endless arguments that we used to get into…
Evening snacks time, the treats and parties at the canteen/ice cream shop … hmmmmm.. toooooo many memories and days to recount here..

Yeah.. it would be great to get to some time together…. just a glass of wine and a LONG LONG drive and no serious conversations but just leg pulling and arguing and losing track of the time and the road
Well… no idea if it can happen ever again…. but these memories and thoughts are definitely worth recounting and remembering again and again..

 

Happy Anniversary!!

Exactly one year back when this cyber world opened and I realized how quickly and strangely things/thoughts/mind/life takes a turn that one would least expect!! Anyway.. I was thinking of writing this yesterday but had to complete some ‘real world’ things and couldn’t get to here..
Was happy to see that ‘hi’ come up at the corner of my laptop and getting to chat after a long time.. specially when I was thinking that the busy bee might’ve gotten really caught up in the beehive and wouldn’t remember anything in the outside world!! Made me so happy to get to know that even the busy bee remembers the days and the years!!
As usual.. I’m very happy for him.. ,rather jealous of him, for all the best things that are coming his way in his life
Will always pray that best things and the smiles keep continuing in his life…

 

:)

It was nice talking after such a long time and finally managed to break my laziness, logged in and writing here..
Really so happy for him that he’s stepping into the next best step of his life
Everyday I think of writing here but have become so lazy (or read it as addicted to some games on FB) that I don’t do anything else.. there are lot of thoughts that I want to write but just let them pass as thoughts itself

 

After A While by Veronica A. Shoffstall

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn’t mean leaning
and company doesn’t always mean security.

And you begin to learn
that kisses aren’t contracts
and presents aren’t promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman,
not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow’s ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.

After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn…

 

Who’s strange??

Is it just the life? Today I feel so strange to myself..my thoughts, my words, my likes and dislikes, my “decisions” .. all seem so strange to me…. this is not the me that I had always dreamed of..

Thought a lot about saying “bye” to this space… but I guess I’m finding my peace and solemn here and going forward would like to keep this as a place for my ranting and ramblings and not for any one “particular”.. would that be fine?

The law of nature seems to be that you always want something that’s going far away from you…forcefully being taken away from you… making you do all things that you wouldn’t normally imagine to do…… on some later day making you wonder… was it who you really did all such things????

but when you feel for something, when things are being pulled away from you.. you want to cling to it till the last minute.. till the last bit is completely taken away from you… wanting you to hold on to every second that can be cherished, holding on to the last bits and pieces, trying to make the most when the end is so near by…. when some thing is not supposed to be going anywhere at all.. not supposed to be taken along at all… there’s no future at all.. why even begin it? What am I talking about here?

there might be 1000s of better things are awaiting you in the next turn, but till you cross the turn.. the only thing that is visible to oneself is the straight road ahead and what you left behind.. which might be visible in the rear mirror,  which as you move ahead,  becomes blur and once you hit some turn.. might even disappear and once it is out of sight.. how long for it to be out of mind????

Was “this” turn necessary? was the destiny’s timing right? was life fair in tempting and pulling it away? was life fair in filling the minds with different thoughts and reasons at different times? once “sudden lucidity” and the next moment blurred with want of more?

 

Time for Good Byes

http://coffeeandstories.blogspot.com/2007/12/goodbye.html

May be in a week.. this cyber space might also need a “Good Bye” or is it already time for that? or do I need to wait for a week? He already seems uncomfortable and loaded with guilt( rightly so) and don’t want to trouble any more!!

Woah… the good byes follow with so many questions, so many thoughts… and so so so many many MEMORIES!!! I guess the quality or the adjective of the “memories” as Good/Bad… only time defines that too and all we mortals can do is just “hope” .. hope that it was and will remain good!!!

On an another front… even if it is for formality/last moment wave, people seem to recognize, atleast few say they would miss, couple of them getting senti!!

 

What do I do?

What am I feeling? What am I going through? For the first time I feel so clueless about myself and my own thoughts

Am I/Should I

• Feeling Lost?

• Feeling empty?

• Right or wrong?

• Control or let my thoughts/words flow?

• Carefree or embrace the world of “BUT”?

• Emotional or Logical?

• Dream or practical world?

• Sweet or turning bitter?

• Should I continue or disown this poor thing called ‘Ajeeb Zindagi’?

Should I publish this post or should I not?

This is where I miss the “job pressures” Too much free time on my hand is going to be disastrous ………. for whom???? That’s the BIG question.. and as all aam aadmi and great philosophers admit… only Time has the answer to such questions!!

 

Change

It is so true right.. Anything that goes up has to come down.. so the ‘high’ has to wither and give way to ‘low’ and that’s exactly what seems to have happened

BTW.. I didn’t understand what was so funny about the post below that made him laugh and not understand the seriousness with which it was written

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Was thinking will just not disturb him at all at any cost, will not trouble but again today so many people reminded me that I have been left with very few days here and … I gave up on my own resolution and pinged

Suddenly he seems to be too distant.. I know its good for us and thats what would eventually happen but why am I feeling so bad? I thought I’ll never write again, never let myself so open with my feelings “BUT” I thought why lose on the limited time that I have and trouble myself with assumptions and worries and why not ask him directly what is happening?

I know “ideally” the thing I’m going through is NOT right.. BUT …..things change.. stuff happens.. mind wanders… wavers between right and wrong.. wants to go against the rules… doesn’t want to hurt anyone.. but clueless on the way thoughts keep changing…

CHANGE.. everything changes.. situation, thoughts, people, opinions.. the season, the moods, the feelings??

 

Kashmakash

Main aise kyoon soch rahee hoom? mujhe ho kya raha hai? kehne ko tho itnee saare baathe hain par kehne se darthee hoon… sochthee hoon is sabka nateeza kuchh bura na ho.. in saaree ‘chakkar’ me main apna ek hee tho ‘dosth’ ko Kho na baithoo

din aise kyoon badal jaathe hai? main aisi badal kaise gayee? woh kuchh kehtha kyoon nahee? kucch baathein kyoon nahi kar raha hai? hopefully its just ‘work’ and nothing that I’ve said or done…